Losing it

Ok. I have a confession to make. Sometimes.... I'm a dumbass. It is not habitual or anything, but it is getting worse. My friend Vanna calls it C.R.A.F.T., Can't Remember a Fucking Thing. I think that is a fantastic..... you know..... what do they call it when you abbreviate words to the first letter.....

Anyway, I'm sure it will come to me later. Lately it has been my keys. The other day I left them in the bathroom. I'm not even sure why I carried them in there. And another day they were on the desk. Well today I lost them in the car. Yes. The car. In the Target parking lot. I know I searched for at least 15 minutes. I'm sure I looked like a fucking idiot.

Here is what happened. I have this habit of putting them in my pocket so that I don't have to search for them. For some reason I didn't do that today. But the problem wasn't UNLOCKING the car. Oh no. I got it unlocked. The problem was that I lost the keys IN the car after I unlocked it.

I drive a Trailblazer and when I came out of Target with more shit than could fit in the cart (seriously) I unlocked the car and then I did.... something with my keys. Like I said, I normally put them in my pocket or I hang them on the side of the cart with that little purse hook. I didn't do that today.

Anyway. I loaded the car up with a microwave (Christmas gift for my FIL), 6 packages of diapers (on sale with a coupon), kitty litter, dog food, 2 bags of baby food, two bags of cleaning supplies, and two bags of stocking stuffer shit for the kids (I told you it was a lot). Then I take my purse, bottle of water and my coupon book (because I'm a nerd) and get in the front seat. I go to start the car... no keys. I dig around in my purse... no keys. I go look back in the cart... no keys. I go look in the back of the truck... no keys.

Ok, now I'm like WTF. They have to be somewhere. Right. I unlocked the fucking truck. So now I take EVERYTHING out of my purse. NO keys. I go move the bags around in the back of the truck and look underneath. NO keys. I re-search the cart. NO keys. I look UNDER the truck and around the truck in the parking lot. NO keys. Seriously. W-T-F!

So then I start taking every bag out of the back of the truck and take it to the front seat and look through each bag individually.... and through my purse again.... and over the cart again.... and under the truck again.

Finally I PICK UP THE FUCKING MICROWAVE..... keys.

Seriously, how do you put your keys down in the back of your car/truck and then SIT A MICROWAVE on top of them and not realize it.

These are the moments that I realize I have lost my fucking mind. And I'm not sure I'm going to get it back anytime soon.